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A Breathing Secret

Written by on January 30, 2013 | 25 Comments

After sixteen years nothing had changed. When our eyes met I was still lost. Everything in the hotel lobby disappeared in a strange fog and my only thought was: “Why have I never told him?”

That moment my sons voice said. “Mom?”

His eyes met my sons, his own – returned to me – and he knew.

 

Raani York.

  • http://www.austinbriggs.com Austin Briggs

    Wow, I love the mystery here. Intriguing.

  • http://newkidintown1995.blogspot.com Daron Henson

    I enjoyed you flash fiction story. It is well-written. I especially like that secret that was revealed and the manner in which it was revealed.

    Thank you.

  • http://www.peggystrack.com Peggy Strack

    So much said with so few words–not easy!

  • http://www.carolemckee.com Carole McKee

    Wow! In 55 words, that’s a whole story! Wonderful!

  • http://linkedin Pat Yeager

    In this case, less is definitely more. Very well done.

    • http://www.raaniyork.com Raani York

      Thank you so much Pat!! You’re a Sweetheart!!

  • http://www.laurie27wsmith.wordpress.com Laurie Smith

    Great flash story Raani.

  • http://www.laurie27wsmith.wordpress.com Laurie Smith

    Gray flash story Raani.

  • http://www.laurie27wsmith.wordpress.com Laurie Smith

    GREAT story Raani. I hate writng on iPhone’s:-)

  • http://www.raaniyork.com Raani York

    Thank you so much for your comments y’all! They’re greatly appreciated!! I’m happy you do like this flash story!

  • http://2voices1song.com Claudette

    Good job, Raani. Well done.

  • http://asimkumarpaul.wordpress.com ASIM KUMAR PAUL

    Beautiful writing. I like it.

  • http:/www.mallie1025.blogspot.com/ Micki Peluso

    Raani,

    This is an excellent piece of work. You convey emotion, suspense, questions, and a hook ending in 55 words–you are awesome. Btw, this would make a great short story, novella or book.

    Micki

  • Patricia Anne Pierce -Garcia Schaack

    Fantastic, Raani. I voted for you, Lady.

    Ciao,
    Patricia

  • http://catnipoflife.wordpress.com Sharla

    What a great write and only 55 words! My vote is in for you :-)

  • http://www.deirdretolhurst.com deirdret

    Excellent! A gasp moment!

  • http://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com August McLaughlin

    I love the sense of secrecy… Must know more!

  • http://memyselfandkids.com Larry

    So much intrigue for such a short piece. Excellent.

  • http://onlineanddistancelearning.com Stewart

    Strangely moving – very powerful :-)

  • http://www.raaniyork.com Raani York

    Thank you all who have not only taken the effort to vote, but also to post a comment!! I’m so happy to have helpers and friends and supporters like you all! I’m honored!!

  • David Jeffrey Spetch

    Interesting choice of words from one artist to another Raani.

    / David

  • Pingback: “A Breathing Secret” won January 2013 contest! « raaniyork

  • http://darlenecraviotto.com Darlene Craviotto

    Congrats, Raani! Such skillful use of words, tension, and suspense. A perfect little story.

  • http://www.jacquelinegum.com JACQUELINE GUM

    Outstanding! Wow! I am so impressed…not surprised, but impressed :)

  • http://www.raaniyork.com Raani York

    Thank you all for your support and good wishes and congratulations! And thank you Austin Briggs for this honor!!!