heavy-heart

For My Broken Heart

Michelle sat on the porch swing, watching Nick walk away.

Tears rolled . . . dripped . . . then dried. She blinked.

Wind blew; leaves fell. She shivered.

The sun set. Stars appeared, then disappeared. The sun rose again. She squinted.

Birds chirped. A school bus rumbled past. She stood.

The world didn’t stop.

She showered and left for work.

 

 

Rebecca Barray.

  • http://www.austinbriggs.com Austin Briggs

    This is very cool, well executed!

    • Rebecca Barray

      Thanks, Austin.
      I love these contests. Thanks so much for hosting them!

  • Patti Hall

    Amazing how words written just so can set the pace of a story. This one whirled past and every word was perfect.

    • Rebecca Barray

      Thanks, Patti. :)

  • Diana Feltner

    You put me right there with her, feeling the wordless emotion.

    • Rebecca Barray

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Diana.

  • Kerry Hall

    What’s brilliant about this is that she got up and went on to her day! Sadness at the beginning, triumph at the end..very good story!

    • Rebecca Barray

      Thanks, Kerry! Sometimes, life really sucks. But the world doesn’t stop.

  • Louie Winslow

    Quite poignant, but she is obviously a tough woman. She adjusted well. I enjoyed reading this story.

    • Rebecca Barray

      Thanks, Louie.

  • mike olley

    Indeed, life goes on. Nice work!

    • Rebecca Barray

      Thanks, Mike.

  • David Seguin

    I like how you create the intensity and loneliness of passing time with so few words. Very nice!

    • Rebecca Barray

      Thanks! These 55-word stories are addicting. I LOVE writing them!

  • Alan Barker

    The world doesn’t stop and you have captured feelings I’m sure many of us have had. Excellent use of pace.

    • Rebecca Barray

      Thank you! Looking back, I wish I would have put each sentence on its own line, to slow it down a little more. Oh, well, hindsight and whatnot.

  • a. partridge

    Wonderful how you captured such emotion in so few words. Most people might not get through it in just one day, but the universality of the message works well.

    • Rebecca Barray

      Thank you. I don’t think she’s gotten through it, just keeps moving.

      • a. partridge

        You’re right — that is all anyone can do is just get moving again…going through the motions to avoid the emotions.