the eye

It’s in the Eyes

It was the eyes that did it. As much as she was trying to hang tough and show no emotion, the eyes gave her away.

An almost indiscernable dilation of the pupils as, breaking eye contact, her gaze moved to a place beyond him.

In that moment, he knew they were no longer alone.

 

 

Deborah Lean.

  • http://paolojcruz.tumblr.com Paolo Jose Cruz

    I’m conflicted…

    Everything about the phrasing seems deliberately intended to create a sense of mystique and ambiguity about the situation. If that was the intention, then this is a success.

    There’s a lot of impressive detail to establish WHAT is happening, but not even a hint about WHY. So that makes it a bit harder for me to care… It’s like, so what if they’re not alone?

    Granted, if the purpose was to arouse speculation, then mission accomplished. But I would have preferred a little more background detail, personally.

    • Deborah Lean

      I guess I like things with a little mystery, at least in 55 words or less. Picture the man holding her at gunpoint, and suddenly they’re not alone. Is he a thief, a spy, what?
      I see your point though, a bit more detail. It becomes a case of robbing Peter to pay Paul doesn’t it. To give more detail means to lose some of the mood already established…if you cut some description to give more factual info.
      Food for thought, thanks for taking the time to comment.
      Deborah

  • Deborah Lean

    Thanks Austin, for the ongoing support and encouragement.
    I finally took your advice, pulled a couple of books from the drawer and got them edited and formatted. They went live on Kindle yesterday.
    Thanks for the push to get it done.
    Deborah