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Miller’s Pond

Written by on March 22, 2013 | 17 Comments

The park bench was cold. Rain rolled down her cheek. Her son’s tiny head in her lap, a shotgun by her side, her eyes fixated.

“You can’t have him!” she fired into the bushes.

A decayed hand with her husband’s wedding ring crawled forward. Looking into his dead eyes she decided and squeezed the trigger.

 

 

Brad Beatty.

  • http://www.austinbriggs.com Austin Briggs

    Wow. This is intense.

  • brad beatty

    Thank you, I appreciate the opportunity to share.

  • http://www.cathynerujenpoetry.com/index.html Cathy Nerujen

    I saw this on LinkedIn. Thank you for showing it. It is very intense and in hacked short sentences, no details or extraneous facts needed. All that is needed is what is there. And it makes me want to read more. Having only 55 words to get the message across is a great way to write in short spaces, limiting the reader to nothing – only what is needed. Words are amazing. Excellent.

    Cathy.

    • Brad Beatty

      Thank you for the kind comments.

  • jenna

    Very well done, and left me wanting to read more!

    • Brad Beatty

      Thank you for the feedback. It makes my day to see how well received this story is and that people are enjoying, after all bringing enjoyment to others is what it is all about.

  • Louis Winslow

    Dear Austin,

    This is good and makes one shiver. For me, though, it cries out for expression in a much longer story.

    Regards,

    Louie Winslow

    • Brad Beatty

      Thank you so much for the feedback.

  • http://www.lynellepaulick.com lynelle paulick

    Brad,

    I just think it’s wonderful, impressive, and inspiring that you coughed up out of your gut these words and this scenario and put it right out there for everyone to see and comment honestly on. Good for you! Keep it up!!

    • Brad Beatty

      Thank you for the comments.

  • Stephanie

    Brad…thx 4 sharing! Your story captured my attention from the get go!

    • http://Cybergeekster.com Brad Beatty

      I am so happy you enjoyed my work. Thank you for the feedback.

  • http://Cybergeekster.com Brad Beatty

    I want to thank everyone for reading the story above. I have noticed that several individuals voted against my story. I am not sure if it is because they do not like Zombie stories or if there was a fundamental flaw in my writing. So I would like to extend an invitation to those who do not like the story to give me honest feedback as to what they did not like, so that I may improve my craft. To those who have commented and do like my work I sincerely appreciate your feedback as well.

  • Tim Greenhoot

    I do not understand the story because there are so many incomplete sentences and syntax or grammatical errors. Try writing the same story with more attention to sentence structure. The plot is alright.

    • brad beatty

      Thank you for your feedback.

  • http://paolojcruz.blogspot.com Paolo Jose Cruz

    Solid pacing. It builds tension effectively, leading up to the inevitable, gut-wrenching climax.

    It’s always heartbreaking when the undead are written to have specific memories of their loved ones (which seems to be the implication here), yet so far removed from their human selves. The threat they pose outweighs the past they shared.

    My only minor qualm is that the title didn’t mean much to me, other than establishing a possible setting for the narrative.

    • brad beatty

      I really appreciate your thoughtful feedback. I found it to be very insightful!